6 Ways to Help Your Child Struggling with Anxiety

There are big, creepy, scary monsters hiding under your bed. The ghosts are howling off in the distance in the dark of night. We've all heard the things that go bump and make us jump. 

For some of us, it's simple enough to go into our kid's room and turn on a light or go get the dusty spotlight out of the closet to brighten up the night to help calm our child's fears. But, for others, it's not just that easy. 

Let's face it, our children have experienced a lot of changes in the past 3 years. From COVID, to political turmoil, changes in routine, increased worry and fear related to school violence, and a sense of a loss of safety....our kids have trekked on. Too many times, they have inadvertently been asked to mask their feelings and emotions to be resilient. 

"It's the new way of life," "roll with the punches," or "suck it up buttercup" have been some of the resounding themes and mottos. It's not that WE "tell our kids" these things...but, it's that the world has placed these things on our kids as an expectation. Have our kids really learned to "suck it up," or have they learned to mask it well? It's too often that we find that the conglomeration of small insignificant worries and minute changes have built up on each other to create the overall presentation of anxiety that we are now seeing.

The DSM-V-TR (manual for mental health diagnoses) describes anxiety symptoms as being:

• Excessive worry or fear

• Edginess 

• Difficulty with concentration 

• Being easily tired

• Restlessness 

• Irritability 

• Muscle tension 

Some of the common, but not as frequently discussed, side effects of anxiety in kids can include:

• Stomach nausea 

• Headaches

• Chest pain

• Fatigue

• Perfectionism in school 

• Social isolation or withdrawing 

• Minimal friendships

• Nightmares

• Being clingy

• Crying

• Fidgeting

• Using the toilet often

Maybe you've seen your child struggle for a while now, tried all you can think of to try, and perhaps the above seems all too familiar? You're not alone. The question is, "What do I do now?"

Here are 6 tips to help your child with anxiety

1. Validate your child's feelings, emotions, and experiences. This could be something as simple as saying, "I see that you're feeling anxious. Anxiety is there to keep you safe, but sometimes it gets overwhelming when it's there all the time. I'm here for you". 

2. Try to keep things as "normal" as possible. In other words, find a routine so that your child can know what's to be expected. In a world full of uncertainty, oftentimes a routine can provide a sense of normality. 

3. Create a code word with your child so that if they're in public and feel anxious, they don't have to embarrassingly say "I'm scared". Instead, that code word could be "pineapple" (or whatever they decide) to be a way to let you know how they're feeling. In the moment feedback can be hard when feelings are big. Code words can reduce that tension. 

4. Create coping skills with your child to help them be able to be present in the present moment. Often our anxiety leads us to the past or the future. In the past and the future we meet up with anxiety. The present, however, helps one remain grounded and secure. Coping skills give us the ability to stay present. Some examples could be breathing techniques, mindfulness strategies, or simply one-on-one time with you as their caregiver.

5. Remain present. Your child needs you and your full attention to remain regulated. Co-regulation is the ability to be able to say, "I am here. I see your big feelings and I'm here to work through them with you." Children learn self-regulatory behaviors, are able to better self-soothe, and can manage distressing emotions when we, as their caregiver, are connected, present, and nurturing. Stepping in to help your child identify their feelings and emotions is one of the first ways to help them process their feelings and emotions. 

6. Know when to seek counseling. If your child is experiencing continued symptoms related to anxiety and/or it is impeding their overall success in functioning at home, school, or the community, it's time to seek help. Your child's therapist is trained to help you and your child learn ways to manage their anxiety. Remember, early prevention is the best prevention. 

If you are struggling to find answers to your questions, or notice some of these symptoms in your child, call Counseling and Wellness Center, located in Parkersburg or Belpre, and one of our trained professionals would love to help you out.