Becoming Ghosts in Our Relationships - Conflict Avoidance
For many of us, conflict is terrifying. We fear losing connection, intimacy, or happiness in our relationship dynamic. However, that’s exactly what conflict avoidance brings.
Addressing conflicts in a relationship in a healthy and beneficial way is a learned skill. You can improve your conflict resolution skills like anything else you’d like to get better with practice and exercise.
Avoiding conflict to “keep the peace” prevents us from being fully present and makes us ghosts in our own relationships. Over time, avoiding conflict creates loneliness, bitterness, anger and contempt in us while creating confusion, isolation, frustration, and disengagement from partners. Good conflict is how two or more people exist in a relationship as separate people. Rather than refusing to discuss points of contention, utilizing healthier resolution styles to accept responsibility for your own contribution to the problem, working toward problem solving, and considering your partner’s point of view can help to lead to happier relationships.
5 Strategies for Overcoming Conflict Avoidance
Reframe the Way you Think About Conflict
If you believe that all conflict is harmful or will harm your relationship, you are more likely to avoid it. Try recognizing conflict as a valuable tool that can help to build and strengthen your relationship. Understand that conflict is normal and necessary in all relationships.
Differentiate Conflict from “Fighting”
Addressing conflict does not have to be a fight. You can express disagreements calmly and respectfully to address an issue without signing up for a fight
Practice Talking About your Emotions
Conflict is typically emotional. For many individuals who have a fear of confrontation in relationships, what they are fearful of is big emotions. To get more comfortable with emotions, practice discussing them often. This can look like telling your partner things you are grateful for, sharing how to feel about something that happened at work, or acknowledging your emotional reaction to a movie you watch together.
Stop Assuming the Worst
Conflict Avoidance occurs when we assume the worst during times of disagreement. If we imagine that approaching an issue with our partner will result in a nightmare, we are unlikely to pursue it. Instead, try imagining the long-term benefits to resolving the conflict
Take Steps to Increase your Self Esteem
If you don’t believe your needs deserve to be met, you are not likely to bring them up in conflict. Increasing your self-esteem through focusing on your strengths, practicing positive self-talk and affirmations, and taking time for self-care can improve your self-esteem and confidence when approaching conflict in relationships
If you are tired of having to silence yourself or experience anxiety and fear of confrontation, the team at Counseling and Wellness Center is here to help. Call us at the Counseling and Wellness Center, located in Parkersburg or Belpre, and one of our trained professionals would love to help you out.
